Your question is a million dollars question. Not because it is not worth noticing or answering but its complexity and valuation. To me, it has to be answered in context of social conformity (unconventional or informal norms and values) and current social change (conventional or formal rules, regulations, technology and social control-------nonconformity). Or generational gap!
I don't know where to begin, but at least I have given a partial answer to your inquiry in the above paragraph.
Thanks,
Wangkec
-- Edited by Wangkec at 00:44, 2005-01-15
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"The most effective way to restrict democracy is to transfer decision-making from the public arena to unaccountable institutions: kings and princes, priestly castes, military juntas, party dictatorships, or modern corporations.."______Noam Chomsky
If you are thinking of it in context of business, then, there is nothing wrong with it because we will all benefit from that business. Though you are my maternal uncle, lhypothetically, let me assume that I want to marry your sister today. If I do that then you would get dowry from me to help yourself and your family. Next day Mabior Ngang or Tong Deng might come and marry my sister, which would give me dowry too. My point here is that there is nobody losing in our business of paying dowry. We are all beneficiaries of this business. More importantly, It also gives poor people who have beautiful girls opportunity to rise up above the poverty line. And this part is extremely important because we can ideally achieve an equal standard of living in our communities.
Your insightul perspective is not bad but I would encourage you to argue about how we can make it less expensive to help unmarried people who are not wealthy enough to afford such an outrageoulsy expensive brideprice. We have to modify or reform it in the way that would help poor unmarried people and poor parents who have beautiful girls.
I might not be clear enough because the topic is extremely polemic.
thanks guys for your comprehensive and concised reply. your opnions about my two thorns really make vital sense. like mayik say, a poor parents of beautiful girl should benefit and fit in the communities living standard through dowry. that really sound true and little convince, but what if a girl die at earily marry and man collect his dowry back, i will still remain poor.
in case of business, it invovles buying and selling of goods and services. a man have power on whatever h/she buy to resale, destroy and gift it away. in my opnion, we bether give a girl freedom to choose who when they should marry rather than parent. beacuse of dowry, a lot girls are marry at earily ages between 14 to 18 years old and fifty percentage of those find it difficult to give birth, sometime end up give up the ghost. we should give our girls time so that they can acquire the education they deserve in their life. many parents undermine the important of education and force their baby to marry any man of any age, so long he has enough dowry. we should treated the girls humanly despite their biological identity. we all look equal in front God.
i am still have tremendous doubt about paying dowry, why should i buy love or relationship?
Let me try to say one or two in an attempt to asnwer your concern. First, we should first safeguard ourselves from thinking "Westernly" when we raise any question concerning our long, deep rooted cultures. Culture-wide, we don't use the terms that show or reflect negative aspects of our dealings such as "buying" or "selling." You might or you might not have learned it in your high school in the CRE books. As far as Marriage is concerned in Africa (Muonyjany included), bride price is not an absolute value of the girl, but just a mere token that says "Thank you in silence." There is no human being whose usefulness can be measured in monetary units, cows, goats, and what you may name. Culturally, we know that our sisters work a lot at home. They baby-sit, patch water, firewood, found grain, cook, plough the farm, take care of the elderly, among many other chores. So, when a young girl is married off, her place in the family becomes hollow, and that means she can't perform her duties any more. Therefore, the dowry is a sign of "thank you" from the bride-groom to his in-laws who are not accomplishing the duties that were once done by the girl.
Another obvious reason for the bride-price is just the same as above, but a little bit different. This is about the bringing up of a girl child into maturity. Do you remember the Kiswahili proverb that says, "Kuzuia/kuzaliwa mtoto si kazi, kazi ni kulea mtoto?" Which literary means "To give birth is not a constraining duty, the real work lies in bringing up a child."So, when a bride-groom is marrying an already well brought girl, he feels the sense of appreciation. For him to say a sound thank you to his in-laws, he says it in terms of what the estavlished culture knows best --that is dowry. Mr. Awach, I may go on and on, but the bottom line is, no buying, but a thank you as an appreciation for a well done job. Otherwise, thank you for shaking the pillars of our cultural practices. Peace to you + all.
M.A.M
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While our hearts still beat, let's do all we could for the betterment of ourselves, our environment, and our posterity.
Awach Anei, How is it going Mouny? I Hope life is treating you well in Illinois Or Bull State. back to your topic, I think Sudanese social straticfication is not going to change immediately to something eless; may be after two decades or more than for changes to come. to me I view as nothing wrong with endowing dowries to the parents of the girls. I think for all sudanese particular Dinka paying dowries is something morally accepted by the entire community. While on the other hand business bring development to the region. I have more to say but I have long paper due tomorrow, anyway I will give you more thoughts tomorrow night.
